What to do if you hate your life and feel depressed
There are many reasons that you feel like you may hate your life and in my experience as a Hypnotherapist with a specialism in helping people with depression, I see themes in the cause of people feeling like this. I have an established way of working with people that feel this way and in about 4 weeks time they feel completely different.
So what are the themes?
The themes tend to be:
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- Being trapped by emotional pain
- Being stuck in a situation that doesn’t feel right
- Being caught in a cycle of behaving in a way that is not beneficial
- Not liking themselves
- Feeling unfulfilled or uncertain about what it is that they want
Although they never feel like it to the person concerned, these reasons are good news! All the things on the list above can be ‘treated’ and changed. With these things out the way, a new life emerges. A life that is possible, ‘doable’ and enjoyable.
There is magic around you everywhere
But you’ve got to want it. You’ve got to take action an be open to making changes. There is no magic wand, but there is magic around you everywhere. And with your issues and barriers out the way, you will see the world differently. Your experience will be different. People will seem different. Life will seem different.
Some magic you might not have thought about recently if you think that you hate your life:
- The magic that is reproduction! Isn’t that just amazing? That new people and animals are made all the time!
- Nature! The way things grow when and where they should and that nature also gives us food to eat and water to drink.
- The world! There are different cultures, speaking different languages living very differently in completely different environments.
- Your body! The way all the different systems work together to help you breath, move, think, eat and sleep.
I’m not sure which of those wins! But they are all pure magic.
Let’s look at the themes one at a time:
Being trapped by emotional pain
Life has painful experiences. But it’s not actually the severity of the experience that matches the strength of the pain. Just like physical pain, we have different thresholds. Different things will hurt us in different ways. Some people will fall apart when grieving, others fare better. Some people will be deeply affected by redundancy because it feels like failure and it clashes with their desire to be successful. It’s also a kind of rejection.
Relationships hurt the most it seems. This is because we have two basic psychological needs (Carol Rogers, Psychologist) and we can suffer if those needs are not met. One of the needs is of positive regard like love and trust from other people. So when relationships break down or are troubled, this really affects us. This pain is particularly pertinent when it relates to parents and much emotional pain that people carry is attached in some way to their parents or close family members. Although it can be worrying to address these issues, Hypnotherapy does it in such a way that is safe and secure and people can actually get rid of a lifetime of pain in just a few sessions.
Not dealing with emotional pain can lead to feeling depressed.
Being stuck in a situation that doesn’t feel right
This is usually about a relationship, job or place to live. It may be that you’ve outgrown the situation you are in or it is not fulfilling you in some way. It might be that the situation has changed and you have stayed the same or it may be that you behaved in a certain way to obtain that situation but have realised that actually, you are not being true to yourself.
It might be that you are in a ‘checkmate’ situation where you have realised that the situation you are in is not going to grow in the way that you want it to and you need to make a change. The classic examples here are in jobs where there is no opportunity for progression or the work/life balance is tilted towards work and you want more life.
Being caught in a cycle of behaving in a way that is not beneficial
So many people get caught up in behaviours that are not good for them but it just becomes part of life and they don’t know how to break the cycle on their own. Things like being overweight but not being able to stop overeating or stick to any sort of healthy eating plan, can make people’s lives miserable and zap their confidence.
Sometimes people are unable to stop smoking or addicted to drugs, alcohol or gambling. Being out of control does not feel good and can mean feeling depressed, but it’s usually a symptom of an emotion. So by addressing these emotions the unwanted behaviour often falls away.
Not liking themselves
There are many reasons why people don’t like themselves but they usually stem from two things.
1 – The way we have behaved and it has made us feel bad or maybe guilty
2 – The way someone else has behaved towards us and made us feel bad.
Either way our self-esteem can be very low but again the good news is by letting go of the things that affected you, this makes you open to accept positive changes to your self-esteem. Again, Hypnotherapy is very effective for any ‘work of the self’, especially increasing self-esteem and confidence and easing depression.
Feeling unfulfilled or uncertain about what it is that they want
Do you feel like you are standing on the sidelines watching others succeed and move forward in their lives while you stagnate? If you feel envious of what others have, this can be useful in shaping what it is you want and knowing what it is that you want is a catalyst to getting it!
Feeling unfulfilled plays to our second basic psychological need which is self-actualisation (also identified by psychologist, Carl Rogers). Self-actualisation means bringing all the parts of yourself to life. That means exploring and developing ideas, feeding your interests and maximising your strengths and talents.
For many people life carries them along a particular path and they don’t give much thought to if they are fulfilled. But one day something doesn’t sit right and they can’t figure out what it is. Many of these people benefit from coaching to help them find a path, a mission, a passion to follow.
Thoughts are like magnets
The problem is the more you think about hating your life, the more you create a pathway in your brain to that belief. And that belief becomes like a magnet that attracts other negative thoughts and make things seem worse. sometimes thoughts that you have about your life are because you recall memories of the past.
You can’t trust your brain entirely as it can alter your memories and make things seem different to how they are. The good news is that you can retrain your brain into thinking more positively and make positive thinking the stronger pathway in your brain and a more automatic route for your brain to take in he future.
When you have negative feelings about yourself you are more likely to be sensitive to other people’s negativity and this might affect you. When I work with clients we focus on the centre of them as a person. The things that make them stronger and I teach them how to protect themselves from negativity.
Why do some people seem more resilient than others?
People who don’t give up are less likely to become depressed. They continue to seek resolution to problems and a lot of effort into controlling events. They have belief that what happens to them is within their control. These people experience less stress no matter what their circumstances. Because they feel that taking action changes their situation, they always have something to aim for and a sense of satisfaction when they have taken action. These people do not have ‘victim mentally’.
Having a positive mental attitude, thinking for yourself and being adaptable and open to change and making time for fun will change things for your. Let me show you how 🙂
You are the owner of your life. You can let things happen to you or make things happen to you. If you are ready for change call me today.
This blog is one in a 30 day series about self-development and practical lists we will be making to enhance our lives. I’m using these blogs to provide coaching and advice in my capacity as a qualified coach and Hypnotherapist working locally in West Sussex and Worldwide on Skype.
Quick review of yesterday’s list:
Yesterday you wrote a list of how you you at more healthy food easily. I hope you found something you can stick with and feel good about.
Your in pursuit of happiness list
Have you seen the movie ‘in pursuit of happiness’ with Will Smith? It’s a great film where he names the parts of his life. Some are pretty tough!
Today’s list might take a while but try to break your life into chunks and give those chunks name. For example if you had a tough time at school, you might call that ‘hiding’ or ‘surviving’. I’m sure you will be able to think of the right words. Don’t forget the positive chunks! It will help you to think about your life in this way and identify how parts of your life have imprinted on you.
A positive mental attitude is a game changer
The Pollyanna technique means looking for something good to come out of every bad situation. Some people describe this as taking the learnings or we all know ‘every cloud had a silver lining’.
With a positive mental attitude you can overcome issues such as depression, low self-esteem and low confidence. Hypnotherapy is hugely beneficial for a positive mental attitude and helping you regain control over your life. Your progress doesn’t end when your sessions do, once you’ve have a taste of liking your life you won’t want it any other way. A positive mental attitude puts you in control.
Charlie Chaplin’s poem – As I Began to Love Myself
This is a lovely poem by Charlie Chaplin that sums up life. Feel free to share any other poems that you think might help others.
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “Maturity”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health –
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!
Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday April 16, 1959
See you tomorrow.