A fellow blogger, Jorge, blogged about first impressions today which tied in nicely with what I wanted to write about which is judging others.
I will need to exercise some self-control in writing this blog, or we could end up with a very long blog! Because what I call ‘work of the self’ is my specialism. I help people understand themselves better through uncovering their values, finding their identity and having the confidence to be themselves. Then people can be ‘comfortable in their own skin’ and live their life in a way that feels good for them.
What happens when we judge others?
So back to judging others… When we judge others it does two things.
1 – It holds that person up against our own values and beliefs. It has nothing to do with who they are! I’m going to give you some scenarios and I want you to just see what enters your head as I say these things.
2 – It puts bad thoughts in your mind which will make you feel bad
Think about how you might judge these people
- You see a young mother struggling with her small children in the street. She might be raising her voice and she is wearing tight clothes
- You see a heavily tattooed man coming out of a pub and he has lots of piercings
- You hear someone well-spoken in an expensive looking suit coming out of a hotel on his phone and he walks in front of you
The thing is you don’t know anything about these people. They might be pure of heart or not, you don’t know. They might be generous or kind, you don’t know. They might be gentle, rich, poor, stressed, depressed, worried…..
Don’t hate the rice!
Judging others does is puts thoughts in your mind which damage your self-esteem. I don’t know if you have ever seen the Rice Consciousness experiment, inspired by Dr Masaru Emoto but it’s fascinating.
By labelling one jar ‘hate’ and the other ‘love’, the rice in the hate jar rots away while the rice in the love jar stays fresh. And this isn’t the only time this has been done. It has been done numerous times with different substances.
So if you think bad thoughts, you will probably feel bad inside (even though you might not consciously connect this). If you think good thoughts, you will feel better. Simples.
And when you judge others less, you will feel less judged yourself. Because if you haven’t having those thoughts about other people. Why would they be having them about you?
Find the gold
Here are my top tips for not judging others:
- Listen to what other people say. Don’t judge them on their clothes, hair, car job. Listen and see who they are
- Be open minded about new people. They might not look like your ‘type’ of person but they might be the best thing since sliced bread
- Don’t go on first impressions
- Don’t let someone else’s opinion of someone get in the way of you forming your own
- Look for things you like about someone rather than something you don’t
- Find the gold in someone. What makes their eyes light up? A loved one, a hobbie, cream crackers? Whatever it is, when you see them talk about it watch them shine and see the best of them
Check your words before they come out of your mouth.Just like you would check an email before sending it. Try and be kind.
Here’s the plan:
- Be less judgemental and see if it makes a difference to how you feel
Happy hug 🙂